Sunday, January 31, 2010


Again, I'm at that point where I am stuck. Funny enough, I'm at the next level of my life but I'm still stuck. I don't know why I'm not used to this. I know I can't just shoot up the economic, goal and happiness ladders in my life. I know that I have to get to a level and stay there for a while to learn what I need to and move on. I'm so impatient right now.

It could be the reason why I'm stuck that bothers me so much. Money. No, it's not money. It's stability. I finally have a job that I actually enjoy and make an okay amount of money -in comparison to $5 a day- but I can't bring myself to plan my finances more than two weeks ahead. If I wanted, I could get a new apartment WITH a kitchen and still have money left over to pay my bills. Unfortunately, I'm hesitant. Several factors contribute to my reluctance:

My job is in an apartment instead of an office.
My checks are written, not typed.
Every time I'm happy things go horribly wrong.

My mother insists I am a Gypsy. Perhaps she is right but I think that we all need a degree of stability in our lives. Otherwise, we will always be on edge and never truly be happy.

To contradict myself a smidgeon, with way things are going right now I feel like a kite whose string is held down by a rock. I'm so close to being free that I can taste it but I have to wait until I finish school to do anything. Until then, I'm stuck in a place (state of mind, town, state) where I can't settle.

A lot changes in three months, doesn't it?


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